For an overview of this 4-part series please read the previous blog –


Part 4 – How Do We Fix It?

If you become aware of your expectations and your partner’s expectations of love and you understand your relationship dance, you can evaluate missed opportunities to connect with your partner.

When you understand your own inconsistencies with your behaviour and feelings, you will begin to understand your partner is feeling them too. By examining your dance, you will begin to gain empathy for your partner, and this may open the door to connection rather than arguing.

Why becoming aware is important

Inconsistencies in behavior and feelings can cause you to miss opportunities to grow and strengthen your relationships. This is because your inconsistency can create confusion and uncertainty, leading to misunderstandings and mistrust.

For example, if you say one thing but do another, it can create confusion for your partner, who may not know what to expect from you. This inconsistency can make it difficult for them to trust you, and it can also make it difficult for you to communicate effectively with them.

Similarly, if your feelings are inconsistent, it can be challenging for your partner to understand how you truly feel about them and the relationship. If you are hot and cold, they may not know where they stand with you, and this can lead to feelings of insecurity and doubt.

These inconsistencies can also prevent you from taking advantage of opportunities to grow and strengthen your relationship. For example, if you are not consistent in your efforts to show love and affection to your partner, you may miss opportunities to deepen your connection with them. Or, if you are not consistent in your communication, you may miss opportunities to resolve conflicts and improve your understanding of each other.

To avoid missing opportunities for growth and connection, it is essential to work on being consistent in your behavior and feelings. This means being honest and open with your partner about your thoughts and emotions, as well as following through on your commitments and promises.

It is also important to recognize when you are being inconsistent and take steps to address it. This may involve working with a therapist or counselor to explore the underlying reasons for your inconsistency or developing a plan to improve your communication and behavior.

How to create a strong, happy relationship

Creating a strong and happy relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners. While there are no set rules for creating the perfect relationship, there are certain qualities that can help ensure a strong and happy bond between two people. Some key elements to consider when trying to create a healthy and happy relationship are:

  1. Communication is key: Good communication is essential to the success of any relationship. It’s important to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and concerns in a clear and respectful manner. Regularly checking in with your partner and asking how they are feeling can help avoid misunderstandings and build trust.
  2. Respect and appreciation: Respect and appreciation are crucial in any relationship. You should respect each other’s opinions, choices, and individuality. It’s also important to show appreciation for your partner, whether it’s through verbal affirmation, small gestures, or thoughtful surprises. They need to know you value them.
  3. Trust and honesty: Trust and honesty are the foundation of a strong relationship. It’s important to be truthful with each other, even if it’s difficult. Trust is built over time through consistent actions and honesty.
  4. Shared interests and goals: Having shared interests and goals can help bring you closer together. Finding activities that you both enjoy and working towards common goals can create a sense of unity and purpose in your relationship.
  5. Quality time: Spending quality time together is important for building a strong and happy relationship. Whether it’s going on dates, taking trips together, or simply enjoying each other’s company, make time for each other and prioritize your relationship. It’s easy for other aspects of life get in the way and take up all our time. But it is essential for a couple to spend quality time together, to ensure the relationship stays strong and honest.
  6. Compromise and forgiveness: No relationship is perfect, and conflicts are bound to arise. Being able to compromise and forgive each other is crucial for overcoming challenges and maintaining a healthy relationship.
  7. Emotional support: Providing emotional support to your partner can strengthen your bond and build trust. Being there for each other during tough times and celebrating each other’s successes can help create a supportive and loving environment.

Creating a strong and happy relationship takes time and effort. By prioritizing communication, respect, trust, shared interests, quality time, compromise, forgiveness, and emotional support, you can build a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Remember, it’s not about being perfect, but rather about being committed to each other and growing together as a couple.


In conclusion, inconsistencies in behavior and feelings can prevent us from growing and strengthening our relationships. By being consistent and working to address any inconsistencies, we can create a foundation of trust and connection that will allow our relationships to thrive.